Want to Control Your Anger? Learn How to Breathe!

Okay, you can breathe out now!

Most of us do not know how to breathe right. And that worsens stress and tension. But let us back up a little first.

React already!

Split-second decision making is the essential survival mechanism all human beings have been blessed with. Without it, the species would have died off long ago.

Not safe! Run!

When we find ourselves in a novel situation, we must decide quickly whether we are safe or not. And then we have to act promptly and aggressively, if there is the slightest risk to us or our loved ones.

The anger response is part of this scenario. And there lies the problem.

Anger response

This is a simplistic response, for a good reason. In dangerous situations, we cannot afford to indulge in nuanced, balanced, and detailed thinking. We need to simplify the information available and make snap judgments.

This ability served our forefathers well, and kept them safe. But it is hurting us.

Shoot first, aim later

This was fine in the past, and is still fine in emergency situations now. But most situations where we get angry are not emergencies. At those times, we need to pause, evaluate the information we have, and then ask ourselves what else could be relevant. Then we van weigh the pros and cons of aggressive action, versus perhaps no immediate action. But the anger response does not allow us that liberty. It tells us, “Ready, shoot, aim.”

The road to destruction

Krodhaat bhavati sammohah sammohat smritivibhramah

          Smritibhranshat budhinasho budhinashat pranashyati (Gita 2:63)

The above verse, in the ancient language Sanskrit, is from an Indian epic of philosophy and religion, the Gita. Here the Hindu god Lord Krishna is explaining to his disciple Arjuna the sequence of events which leads to human beings losing their way and sliding down the slippery slope of self-destruction.

He starts out in the previous verse by saying that a fascination with sensory gratification is followed by anger when our desires are frustrated. In this verse he explains that the accumulation of anger often leads to rage, confusion, and bewilderment. That can proceed to a loss of memory and perspective, which in turn impairs one’s intellect. What follows is the complete destruction of a life.

You hurt yourself

We often feel angry at others, but this emotion ends up hurting us more. Violence and aggression are common results of anger, and they can lead to painful outcomes at work, or in family situations, and even legal consequences.

Chronic anger has its own associated problems: chronic stress, feeling on edge, and at times, feelings of guilt, remorse, and shame.

There is also a connection between chronic anger, chronic stress, and cardiovascular diseases.

Your enemies

A little bit of Sanskrit from the Gita again:

Kama esha krodha esha rajoguna samudbhavah

          Mahashano mahapapma vidhayenamiha vairinam (Gita 3:37)

Here Lord Krishna describes the two major enemies of mankind: desire (especially uncontrolled desire), and anger. They are all-powerful, and capable of swallowing everything and everyone in their path.

Thus we have to fight them.

Manage thy anger

Most human beings will get angry at some point or the other. Eliminating anger may not be possible.

Thus, the goal should be to manage your anger to protect your health and safety, as well as that of people around you.

Primum non nocere

This is part of the Hippocratic oath for physicians: First of all, do no harm. This also applies to anger management.

Thus the first few steps you take ought to be directed at preventing violence.

Time out, walk away

Quite often, this may be all that is needed.

Recognize that you are angry, and that reacting aggressively and violently will probably make matters worse. So, if at all possible, leave the scene of action. If you are angry at a person, tell them that you will discuss the situation later, excuse yourself, and leave. Take a walk. Go to the park. Or go to a different room.

Buying time

That is what the above actions amount to.

Problems are created when you act in anger, without thinking things through, in the heat of the moment.

Even in the middle of an argument, it is helpful to tell yourself to STOP!  Then ask yourself why you got angry in the first place.

The very act of trying to think actively and rationally will have a calming effect.

Then remind yourself of what could possibly go wrong if you yelled and screamed and exploded in a full-blown outburst of rage. Think of what that action could possibly achieve.

And then make a conscious choice: about how you should respond, rather than letting your anger push you helplessly into an involuntary response.

Yoga

 

Many forms of yoga are helpful in long term anger management.

One of the easiest, simplest, and most relaxing of yoga poses is the shavasana, or the “corpse pose.” Regular practice of this pose is of significant benefit in stress relief and anger control.

I have described the details of this yoga pose in a previous article, and you can read about it here … https://www.shivharsh.com/?p=18

Deep breathing

This has been studied in detail, again for stress relief and anger management.

Breathing exercises are some of the basic tenets of yoga practice. Even in day-to-day life, you can hear people say, “Take a deep breath,” when giving advice to somebody ready to explode with anger.

Don’t we know how to breathe?

Turns out, we don’t.

We breathe, on an average, about 20,000 times a day. And most people do it incorrectly most of the time.

We spend most of our time taking shallow and unconscious breaths. We also frequently hold our breath, especially if we are excited or tense. And that is just not a good way to breathe.

Baby breaths

Take the time to watch a young baby breathe. It takes slow and deep breaths, using its belly.

Things start to change fairly early for us as we get older. People tend to suck their stomachs in and puff their chest out, causing tension in the muscles. It also makes us “chest breathers.” We breathe rather fast, and expand only the upper and middle parts of our lungs. This is inefficient for proper air exchange.

To get a better feel for this, pay attention to how you breathe, when you get a chance. Notice if your belly moves in and out, or your chest does, with each “normal” breath. Also count how many times a minute you breathe.

Push that belt out

To start, find a peaceful place. You can sit up, or lie down. Then consciously take a deep breath in, imagining the diaphragm going down into your belly. Imagine, or visualize, your belt move outwards as you breathe in. Then slowly let your breath out.

With practice, you can slow your breathing to 8-10 breaths a minute, instead of the usual 14. There are people who can slow it down even more. And this has been shown to be of significant benefit, to your physical, mental, and spiritual health.

Slow, deep breathing done for about 20 minutes a day, is a very effective anger management technique. If you can’t do it all at once, even taking 3-4 deep breaths hourly while you are awake will calm you.

Other techniques

Anger management has been studied in detail, and elaborate programs have been devised to help people.

Other forms of yoga, mindfulness meditation, rational emotive behavioral therapy, and techniques focusing on problem solving, rather than reacting, have all proven to be useful. Even simple things like “counting to ten” before you react to a stimulus which triggers anger can help.

There are also specialized programs devised by professionals, with good results.

We will discuss some of these in more detail in further posts.

In summary

• Anger is a damaging emotion, at times hurting the one who feels it even more than the one toward whom it is directed.
• Effective programs and techniques are available to manage anger.
• If you have issues with anger, please take the first step, to recognize and acknowledge it.
• Then you can move forward, and control it before it controls you.
• Stay tuned for more updates
• If you would like to read more about anger, happiness, and a satisfying life, you can find it in my book, “How to Lead a Satisfying Life: 11 Universal Lessons From the Gita,” which is available at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00W5TGM1U.