“You are a genius!”
“You are such a total failure!”
Each one of us has an inner voice which keeps nagging us. It keeps a running scorecard of everything we do, and regularly passes judgment. One second it can take us to the top of a mountain, and the very next, bring us crashing down.
Why is this so?
Evolution
This is a convenient target to blame. We are wired this way. We cannot help ourselves.
To some extent, that is true.
Living beings need to survive, and propagate the species. Social animals want to move up the social hierarchy, because that improves the odds of survival and reproduction.
And thus are born instincts and emotions, which warn us against danger, and help us get ahead in the world.
Is this relevant today?
Yes and no.
Dangers to life and limb are of a different nature today. The stress system previously triggered by the roar of a tiger in the wild is now brought into play when we are sitting in traffic, fretting and fuming because we are late for a meeting. The hormones pouring into our bloodstream (cortisol and adrenaline), which were meant to aid fight or flight, now end up raising our blood pressure and blood sugar.
Are primary or basic emotions still useful?
To some extent, they are. They still alert us to the possibility of harm.
Anger, joy, sadness, surprise, fear, and disgust develop in the first 9 months of an infant’s life
These basic human emotions have characteristic facial expressions which accompany them. An early signal of both fear and surprise is a widening of the eyes, which increases our field of vision, allowing a better chance of fast escape, as we can see more of our surroundings.
The emotions of anger and disgust show the same initial facial expression, a wrinkled nose, which was likely designed to reduce the potential for breathing in particles dangerous to health.
Modern role
Many researchers believe that emotions affect our cognition, influence our thinking, and influence the way we make decisions.
Gut feeling
The human brain can take in vast amounts of information, process it rapidly, and present to us a plan for rapid action, without our having to think about it at a conscious level. Our emotions play a key role in this, through our “instincts,” or “gut feelings.”
In many situations, the amount of information available is so much that analyzing it carefully and consciously would take a lot of time. You might be in a car showroom, with the salesman pushing you to close a deal. But your brain sees a red flag, and tries to warn you. You start getting an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach. You do not know what it is, but your brain has been there before, and it is warning you that something is fishy, and you should leave. Only later do you find out that the sales person has a track record of duping customers. Your instincts, however, picked up some subtle cues and warned you in time.
But it can work against you
Emotions act in a very simplistic manner. They present you information about your surroundings and circumstances rather broadly, and you react to that without too much conscious thought. This, however, can also create problems in the modern world. When things do not go your way, you tend to get angry, and this could become a recurrent pattern. Chronic anger can create health problems, such as high blood pressure, and even heart disease.
Self-conscious emotions
These emotions can cause even greater problems.
Pride, hubris, guilt, and shame are commonly considered to be “self-conscious” emotions. They develop later in life than the basic emotions of anger, fear, etc. (which can be seen by 9 months). Pride, for example, develops by the end of the third year of life.
These emotions depend on an interaction between a person and the society in which he or she lives.
Pride and social status
Society and culture often dictate what kind of a person we are expected to be. Pride helps us to regulate our behavior to gain the approval of society. It also motivates us to avoid actions of which society disapproves. Thus it helps us to avoid feelings of rejection.
Pride is an important building block for self-esteem, helping us to attain and maintain a certain status in society.
Pride and goal setting
People constantly evaluate social norms, and then set goals for themselves. If they meet or exceed those goals, they feel a sense of pride, which promotes further achievement. A failure to meet those goals leads to a sense of shame or guilt.
Thus pride depends on constant self-evaluation.
Is pride two emotions?
Pride and hubris are being studied afresh these days.
It is commonly felt that the difference between the two is only of degree. An excessive sense of pride is commonly called hubris, which is detrimental to emotional and social development.
Some researchers feel, however, that we need to distinguish between an achievement-based pride and a hubristic pride
Pride in achievement
Almost all of us have experienced this.
You run track, and come in first in a tough competition. Or you are a musician, and win an award for a fine performance. You might, perhaps, receive praise and a promotion for completing a project which wins your company new clients.
Most human beings would feel proud under these circumstances.
Hubristic pride
This is more problematic.
This is the pride a person feels because of who he thinks he is.
Most people in this category have a distorted sense of self-perception, and may have delusions of grandeur. They are often arrogant and conceited.
They feel that they deserve praise for who they are, not just for what they have achieved.
Impact of pride
Psychologists feel that an achievement-based pride helps to develop self-esteem, and promotes “good behavior” and the promotion of societal goals.
Hubris and narcissism
Unlike “regular pride,” hubristic pride is a clearly negative emotion, with strong ties to narcissism.
Such people frequently have deep-rooted insecurities. They might feel inadequate, and often harbor feelings of shame. To protect themselves from these emotions, they adopt a cloak of arrogance and self-aggrandizement.
This is a defensive process, and is maladaptive in nature.
Demonstration of pride
This depends on the cultural and social norms the persons grows up learning.
In Eastern, “group based” cultures, demonstration of pride aggressively is frowned upon, and pride is often considered a negative emotion.
However, in the more individualistic societies of the West, pride is usually considered a virtue. Rather than condemning it as a vice, Western societies like to encourage pride in both children and adults.
A deeper truth?
Even achievement-based pride can create problems.
This pride depends on positive results. However, results of our actions are never under our control. We can only control our own actions.
Results, pride, and self-esteem
If you praise yourself, or your child, mostly for achievements, you might be sending the wrong message.
You can try your best, and yet fail in an enterprise. Other times, you could cruise through your assignment, and still get positive results purely through luck. What would you rather praise and encourage, the effort, or the result? What is more likely to stand you in good stead through the course of a lifetime?
So what is the bottom line?
- Emotions are deeply ingrained in the human psyche.
- We receive an evolutionary benefit from emotions, as they alert us to danger and promote prompt, subconscious action.
- In the modern setting, many emotions are triggered inappropriately, or excessively, and they can hurt us, causing significant unhappiness and dissatisfaction with life.
- Chronic anger, excessive sadness, and inappropriate fear can ruin many a life.
- Excessive pride and shame can also have deleterious effects.
- Emotions trigger thought and action.
- It is vital that we understand and control our emotions and their triggers, in order to moderate our responses, and avoid becoming slaves to our emotions.
- There is often a lack of association between effort, action, and achievement. Be careful what you praise and encourage.
Emotions, happiness & satisfaction
You can read more about this connection in my book, available here:
http://goo.gl/4tp2t9.