The pursuit of unhappiness is a favorite pastime of the human race. The US Declaration of Independence states that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are unalienable rights which our Creator has bestowed upon us. It wants governments to enforce those rights. However, it would be better if we asked people to think about those rights seriously, not just the government.
Unhappiness
Look around you. People smile, laugh, compete, go about their business. They marry, have kids, hold down jobs, go on vacation. They appear happy. This is a mask. Dig deeper, and you discover a lingering anxiety and unhappiness.
Happy or satisfied?
We have a dilemma in modern life. All of us want to be happy.
Not many of us are satisfied, or want to be satisfied.
So is it better to be happy or satisfied?
Is satisfaction bad?
The messages we get from society and the media clearly frown upon satisfaction. To succeed in life, whatever that might mean, we are supposed to have a “fire in the belly.” Once you are satisfied, how can you keep that fire burning? So you will fall behind. Others will overtake you in this great race of life.
But if you are never satisfied, can you ever be truly happy?
A race for what?
It seems that everybody is in a race to the finish. A race which is a zero sum game. A race can be won by only one person. All others, by definition, lose. But there are seven billion of us…
The Joneses? Leave them behind!
Time was, people wanted to keep up with the Joneses. Now we want to overtake them, as well as the Smiths and the Johnsons.
We like to compare ourselves with others. Our egos need to be coddled by constant efforts to be “better” than everybody else, bigger, smarter, richer.
We might have a nice house, more than enough for our needs. But if it is the smallest house on the block, we are not happy. This house might be twice as big as an average house fifty years ago, but we are not happy. It might be larger and more luxurious than the houses of millions of people in the world. No matter. The guy next door has a better house. We cannot tolerate that.
The birth of desire
Human beings have always had needs. We need food, shelter, clothing. Seeking them actively is no crime; it is essential. But then come our wants, our desires. They are usually born form our constant comparisons with others. A person with a Lexus feels happy. But then the folks next door buy a Lamborghini. Suddenly, a need for transportation mutates into a desire for a Lamborghini. Where does that end? A yacht? An airplane?
Bigger, better, faster, fancier… Our ego cries, “Look at me! Aren’t I special! I’m better than everyone else!”
The media, the consumer society, the constant advertisements blaring out temptations from all directions whip us into a frenzy.
Designer pants, the latest dresses, handbags and shoes which scream the names of their makers… how did mankind survive thus far without them?
The hedonic treadmill
Been to the gym lately? You get on a treadmill, rev it up, keep going faster and higher, and get nowhere. You end up at the same place where you started.
So, in essence, you had to keep walking, perhaps even going faster and higher, just to stay in place.
This is the concept behind the phrase “Hedonic adaptation” coined by Brickman and Campbell in 1971. The reference to a treadmill was added by Michael Eysenck, a psychologist from the UK, in the late 1990s.
The reality is, people adapt to their circumstances. Possessions which thrill you today will not do so a year later.
Lottery win or paralysis
In 1986, Brickman and colleagues looked at a group of people who had won large sums of money in the lottery, and another group of people who had been in accidents leading to severe paralysis.
The lottery winners had strong emotions of happiness, and the accident victims felt very sad. But this was true only initially. In the long run, however, these emotions subsided, and neither group was happier than the other. You can read about their findings in “Lottery winners and accident victims: is happiness relative?”
Transient
Experiences are transient. Because people adapt.
The ancient Indian epic “The Mahabharata,” written thousands of years ago, has a section devoted to the battle between good and evil. This is a dialog between Arjuna, a Pandava warrior, and his mentor and charioteer, Lord Krishna. Arjuna has been cheated out of his kingdom by his cousins, the Kauravas. This dialog has been immortalized as the Hindu epic of religion and philosophy, the “Gita.”
In verse 2:14, Lord Krishna tells Arjuna:
Matra sparshastu Kaunteya sheetoshna sukhadukhadah
Agamapayino anityah tans titikshasva Bharata
“O Arjuna, it is our sensory perception which gives rise to feelings of heat and cold, of happiness and distress. These sensations are not permanent. They come and go. Therefore, tolerate them without being perturbed, for they, too, shall pass.”
This is, of course, a loose translation, but it conveys the essence of the message.
Less joy
Even if you don’t compare yourself with others, you still can end up desiring more and more. The brand new high definition TV you bought becomes “ho-hum” after a few months. You take it for granted. It doesn’t give you the same thrill it used to. Then along comes a newer, better, and costlier model. You absolutely must have it… And the cycle goes on.
Anger lurks in the wings
Desire can turn into an obsession fairly quickly. And when it is not satisfied, or something or someone stands in its way, you get angry. And anger makes you do things which you later regret.
Recipe for unhappiness
Uncontrolled desires, never-ending cravings, an insatiable appetite for external pleasures: all of these are common emotions which lead us down a slippery slope. We feel we are engaged in a pursuit of happiness, but we often end up dissatisfied and frustrated.
So what is the answer?
External circumstances are unlikely to provide lasting pleasure and satisfaction.
The search for an abiding peace has to start within us. This requires introspection, acquiring some control over your thought processes, and an adjustment in the way you perceive the world.
This is easier said than done. However, it is a goal worth pursuing. How, you might ask?
We will address this in future posts. In the meantime, please do send in your views about this.
you are totally correct about this. people think material things make you happy and are contiually getting new things when the new wears off the one that we thought would make us happy indefinitely. looking forward to the upcoming blog.
Thanks for your comment and your loyal following, Emily. Happiness has to be come from within.
I just love reading your posts Shiv. I have to agree with you happiness does have to come from within. We must appreciate all that we have in our life – the basics, not the material stuff.
Thanks for your kind words, Emily.