Warning! Anger Comes In Many Forms

His heart felt like it would leap out of his chest. The chest started to tighten up, and a burning feeling spread up from there to his face, and then his head. Someone was hammering away inside his head, desperate to burst out, as soon as his head exploded.

Most people have experienced symptoms like this at some point in their lives. This is what anger can do to you. No matter what the cause, a fit of rage can make you feel like a volcano ready to spew lava.

What you do at that point can affect your life in the most profound manner.

Because uncontrolled anger is a powerful destroyer of human happiness.

Tantrums

Have you ever seen a child in a grocery store begging for chocolate or candy? And what happens when the parent does not give in? The child screams, flings its arms around and stomps its feet. What do you think the parent should do?

Most childish temper tantrums do not achieve much. The same is true for adults.

Range of anger

Obviously, most people do not boil over at the slightest provocation.

Minor annoyances are quite common in everybody’s life, and we are all familiar with the feeling of mild irritation at work, at home, or in social situations.

And then there is the violent rage.

At which end of the anger spectrum your response falls will depend on the provocation, but also on your ability to handle stress and manage your anger.

Why worry about anger?

At times, anger can actually help us.

If we get angry when we see injustice, either to us or to other people, it can motivate us to marshal our resources, and fight against it.

The entire world became angry and took a stand against apartheid, and a whole country had to back down.

However, quite often, uncontrolled anger hurts us, and can hurt others in our lives.

So what should we do?

If our anger controls us, we will be in trouble more often than not.

So the key is to keep your anger under control. Not to repress it, but to manage it.

However, in order to do that, you have to recognize the various forms anger can take, and also the reasons why people get angry.

Forms of anger?

Yes, anger comes in different forms. Not everybody kicks and screams, and rants and raves when in the grip of anger.

Volatile anger

This, of course, is what everybody is most familiar with.

Typically, you see somebody suddenly go red in the face, and start shouting. They might pound on a table with their fists. Some people start throwing objects, either at a wall, or occasionally at another person, who might be the target of their anger.

The media frequently reports instances of domestic abuse, where a partner can get seriously hurt, or even die, as a result of the other partner’s outburst of rage which turned violent.

Tragically, children can be injured when they are in a situation where two domestic partners are fighting, and one turns violent.

Overwhelmed anger

Modern life has become quite stressful and very demanding. Social support systems are under enormous strain. Jobs are disappearing and wages are dropping for working people. Childcare options for the middle class are not plentiful. As such, many people feel that their ability to cope is being stretched to the breaking point. They are simply overwhelmed by the demands of daily life, and this is expressed as anger.

Judgmental anger

People often compare themselves to others. We also judge other people fairly frequently. If we do not maintain a very healthy coping mechanism, we can become resentful of others, which is a form of anger at others. We may feel that we are more worthy than they are of receiving the good things in life.

Anger at self

Some people judge themselves very harshly. They may set unrealistic standards for themselves. And when they fail to meet those standards, they start feeling guilty. This is commonly reflected as anger directed toward oneself.

Avoidance

Many people feel embarrassed at the thought of being angry, or of showing their anger. In addition, they may not have developed healthy mechanisms for anger management. As a result, they end up suppressing their feelings of anger. This may work for a while, but in the long run, keeping your anger bottled up inside you is not a good idea. It keeps festering inside, and there is no resolution of the underlying problem which made you angry in the first place. All that you achieve is an increase in stress and tension, which is not very healthy.

Chronic anger

The people suffering from chronic anger go through life feeling angry all the time, at real or imagined injustice. They end up resenting others, and tend to have a very defensive view of the world. They appear to resent life itself, and are unable to enjoy any aspect of daily living.

Such an attitude places enormous stress on the individual, and can cause physical and mental health problems.

Chronic headaches, stomach headaches, and even heart disease might result from this chronic stress, and it also has an adverse effect on the immune system of the body.

Passive anger

This can be particularly difficult to control. It is also not easy to identify this kind of anger. In fact, even the person who indulges in this behavior may not realize that the underlying emotion is anger.

A common example is sarcasm. Other examples are being mean to people, or completely ignoring them. Quite frequently, the persons displaying this attitude are angry with others, or with themselves, and are unable or unwilling to confront their fundamental problems directly in an effort to resolve them.

Such people may be late for school or work, and may even skip them altogether. They end up hurting themselves, and often lose friends and alienate family members.

Where to go from here?

• Uncontrolled anger is destructive.
• Anger comes in many forms. It is important to understand them, before you can begin to control your anger.
• Once you recognize the emotion, you must identify the underlying reasons for your anger.
• Only then can you begin to embark on a journey of anger management.
• We will discuss the reasons for anger, and how to control your anger, in subsequent posts.
• Please let me know your thoughts, and stay tuned!
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